Consideration

It struck me today that I probably need to recommit myself to this year’s theme of living with an open heart. Not that I’ve been closed, but I have noticed myself returning to the status quo more or less. I think a lot of it has to do with a series of small disappointments, lately. Nothing tragic, but just enough to deter me from pushing my way ahead with confidence. Instead, I’ve been licking my wounds a little, protecting my heart a little and considering. This last part, the considering, is something for me to watch.

 An ex-boyfriend once told me that while he acts without thinking, I think without acting. And it’s very true. I’ve gotten better, but it’s in my nature to sit and ponder and dream and opt out of reality. I can have whole conversations in my head and live out relationships to their bitter end, all without leaving my couch. Today I convinced myself it was too much drama to head into the city to attend a book club (I’d have to take the metro, it might rain, should I drive, where would I park, what time would I get home, who would be there, would it be worth it, was I too tired….) and stuck around the area doing errands. Not a bad thing, but not exactly living with an open heart.

So as I find myself in the latter half of March, I’ve decided that I need to shake things up a bit. I will ask myself in all decisions if I’m acting out of fear or out of love. And if the former, am I willing to give up comfort and take a chance. Think less, act more.