Intermediate State of Mind

I just signed up for Intermediate Pole Tricks, which starts next week. It may seem like a small thing, but to transition levels for me isn’t easy. I wonder if I’m ready, if I’m strong enough, if I’ll catch on or if I’ll end up lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, wondering where it all went wrong. It seems dramatic, but I’m a dramatic type of person. I’m also the kind of person who has a huge aversion to sucking. I like to challenge myself, but I like to challenge MYSELF. I don’t like to feel challenged externally. When I feel like there are expectations, I get discouraged. 

Until now, I had taken Beginner II more than a few times to perfect the tricks in that series. I had even started working on the ones in the next level. Challenging myself without external expectation. Most girls take each level more than once, so I was in good company. But at this point taking the same level again, whatever the reason, is just silly. Besides, this whole external pressure thing is something I’m working on more acutely as of a few weeks ago, so I signed up for Intermediate Tricks. 

Since I took the plunge and I have a week until class starts, I thought I’d try to drop in on an Intermediate class that’s already in session. I was a bit apprehensive about it as the girls would already be a few weeks into this series and I’d be new. But, I figured this was a good opportunity to face my performance anxiety. So I tried to go. And I failed. But not due to any doing (or not doing) on my part. I pulled up to the studio and found the instructor outside. She said there was still a roof leak from the storm two nights ago and class was canceled. I guess I’m off the hook this week. Even so, I was a little disappointed. Maybe I’m more mentally ready than I realize.