Grump Asana

I went to yoga this evening. Usually, I equate yoga with bliss. I get on my mat, breathe, focus on my body and the present moment and simply flow. After 90 minutes, I lie back in savasanna with a happy glow that comes from exerting myself and total awareness. 

Not so tonight. I had an emotional day, a growing headache and my body was tired. I didn’t want to move. I usually have a hard time letting myself off the hook during my practice, always pushing through even when I’d rather not. Tonight it seemed like I didn’t have a choice but to take the easier road. I didn’t hold poses for as long as suggested, I skipped some of the harder “options”, and what usually was challenging seemed excruciatingly tortuous. My head hurt, my body wasn’t compliant and unlike most times in yoga, this didn’t change through the course of the class. I didn’t stop watching the clock. I didn’t want to listen to my body. My body didn’t want to listen to me. Savasanna couldn’t come fast enough. 

When it (finally) came, I couldn’t wait for it to end so I could leave. I rolled up my mat, put away my props and hurried out the door. Feeling grumpy and tired and out of sorts. As I was walking out, woman who had shared space near me held the door for me. She smiled. “You have such a lovely practice,” she said. “You are so inspiring.” I nearly cried right there. After beating myself up and feeling defeated for the last hour and a half, a kind word was too almost too much for me. For the first time that evening, I was glad I showed up. And it was worth it.