Let's Connect

Late this past week, I was in a nobody-loves-me state of mind. I had a lot of social goings on during the week, but still felt neglected. This all culminated into a deep funk on Friday. A boy I had a date with earlier in the week hadn’t contacted me, a friend had impulsively invited me to a group dinner then realized she had spoken too soon, I tried to get to a happy hour I was invited to and was thwarted by massive traffic, and a couple of my close friends were out of town. I was blue. I knew I was loved and had great friends, but it didn’t feel that way. As often happens, my mind went down the rabbit path to getting older, being single and growing more and more alone until I was completely forgotten. The end.

Saturday morning, I went to yoga. I was a little sulky, but knew it would make me feel better. Sure enough, as I moved through my asanas, a forgotten lesson resurfaced. 

It wasn’t what I was getting, but what I was giving. Over the past week, I had been physically going out with people and spending time. I was expending energy on this, but I wasn’t feeling anything back. It was like eating candy. I was getting the sugar, but not the nutrition needed to sustain me. Not because it wasn’t there, but because I wasn’t investing. I wasn’t truly connecting. I was there in body and mind, but I left my heart at home. And because it was at home, it wasn’t getting fed. So by Friday, it was starving.

After yoga, I spent some time talking with a couple of wonderful women who practice with me and I could feel my energy shift. We didn’t talk of anything profound, but it was healing. I could feel their nourishment because I was giving to them from a deeper place. I was present with them. Saturday night, I went to a party. This can be a little stressful for me. I appear to be very social and extroverted, but I can get rather overwhelmed and be self-critical. But, I had a wonderful time. When I felt myself wander, I was mindful to bring myself back to being there and connecting. 

I’ve noticed that when my mindset changes, so do my circumstances. My friends told me they missed me, the boy called and I’ve been collecting hugs. Even had this not been the case, my heart is content.