Jumping to Conclusions

This past Thursday, I went with one of my friends to a happy hour mixer. She was talking to a guy for a long time and he seemed like a nice guy. I decided to leave a little early, so gathered my things and when I turned around again, she was talking rather intensely to another guy. Strange for two people who just met. I walked over to say my good byes and met the guy. It wasn’t just their conversation that was intense. He was just and intense person. Not in a bad way, but I felt curious at his manner. She seemed to be fine, so I left the party wondering what would come of that.

She told me that he called her at lunch the next day to ask her out. Good deal. We went out again that night to another mixer and guess who shows up as I was getting ready to leave? Again, he struck me as strange, but he seemed nice and she liked him and was happy he was there.  I left, telling her to be good. 

The next day, she gave me a rundown of the night before. We had guy friends at this mixer and after I left, they all hung out. He had a great time talking to the boys and she continued to mingle and have fun. Towards the end of the night, he tells her that he is torn. He just moved to DC and doesn’t know many people. He really likes her friends and he’s afraid that if they get together and things don’t end up working out, he wouldn’t get the chance to hang out with them, again. Huh? Remember, she just met this boy the previous night and had spent a total of maybe three hours with him and he’s already talking about the end of their relationship.

Looking at this extreme situation, it made me think about my own life. I will admit that I get fearful at times when I meet someone I like. I think about all the ways they aren’t perfect for me and how it might not be what I want. They’re not passionate, they’re too passionate, they are too adhesive, they are too aloof, they’re too skinny, they sit on the couch too much, they part their hair on the wrong side, they don’t have any hair. I’m exaggerating to make a point, but these things do run through my mind even as I’m trying to open the door to my heart just wide enough to allow the possibility of feeling to come in. 

I’m not green anymore. I was in a relationship in my twenties that was crazy in every way possible. Since then, I’ve learned from life and I’ve learned how to love smarter. But there are times when that wisdom gets entangled with fear and may shut out possibilities before they run their course. I can honestly say I’ve never regretted not seeing something through only once in my life (and even that I’m pretty sure wouldn’t have worked in the end). In the other cases, I’m pretty sure I walked away with good reason. And fairly unscathed. I do question this last part. Maybe I should throw myself into possibilities a little more with potentially unsuitable people and get a few scrapes and bruises.  Maybe this is a part of life I need to feel to experience. Maybe I’ll be surprised.