Reasons to Cleanse

One of the girls I’m doing this cleanse with is having a hard time. Even before we started, Emily told us she was nervous and for us not to fear, because she would be the first one to break it. The first day she left her breakfast on the burner too long and it overflowed. She ran to the fridge to pop a diet coke but decided on drinking the recommended tea, instead. When Emily wrote to tell us about this, she said she was feeling emotional. The next day she reported that she wasn’t able to get the lentils and rice that we’re to basing our diets on, but has been eating more vegetables, at least. She felt a little better the next day and commented that she still hadn’t gotten the grains prescribed. But she found that though she regularly snacked on apples, she was enjoying them more this week. 

In a critic’s eye, Emily wouldn’t really be following “the program.” I empathize greatly with her emotional turmoil over the past few days. I used to, and admittedly still can, be really hard on myself when it came to doing things “right.” Couple this with a side of me that hates rules and you get chaos. I’d find myself trying out a dance class, finding myself lacking and rather than having the discipline to practice, I’d just quit. I couldn’t do it right and I was too much of a slacker to put any non-time class into learning, so why bother? Or I would do a complete half-hearted job and lose interest. This carried over into every facet of my life. I would be so fixated on the standards – meeting them, feeling restricted by them, breaking them, criticizing myself by them – that I lost the point of the class in the first place. 

In truth, I’m not doing this cleanse to compete with the other girls or just tag along with what they’re doing. I’m not doing it to achieve any sort of perfection or test my willpower. All of these run through my mind from time to time, but I bring it back to the essential. I’m doing this cleanse is to break a rut and be more mindful of what I’m putting into my body and take note of my body’s response. To be with myself with compassion and acceptance. To treat myself with love and to learn about myself. To me, Emily is succeeding just fine.

I’m not doing this cleanse exactly as prescribed, either. But I’ve found myself appreciating the goodness of what I’m putting into my body and my body’s response. Putting more time into my food preparation can be a little inconvenient, but experimenting with taste and flavor has been a delight. I haven’t lost any weight, but I feel lighter. Most importantly, I feel more in my body more of the time. So far, so good.