Another One

I was minding my own business, in my booth, talking to prospective customers on the trade show floor. A man came up to talk to me. Nice guy, intelligent, well articulated. He was another exhibitor who lives in San Diego. We had something to bond over. When the show finished up, I passed him still at his booth finishing emails. I invited him to join my coworkers and I for a drink. We had a few, laughed, bonded over Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Anchorman and 90s rap. He’s hilarious, well educated, articulate and geeky in the same way I am. He also reminded me so much of the fun loving attitude I loved in my ex-boyfriend and even looked a little like him. And married. I’m the farthest thing from a homewrecker. Another man delivered to my door who isn’t even Mr. Right Now. This is weird.

Dress It

I work from home a lot as my local office is about 30 minutes away through horrendous traffic and no one on my team is actually in the DC area. This is both a good and a bad thing. Good: I can roll out of bed later and wear yoga pants all day while sitting on my couch. I also can, potentially, get a lot more done without the distraction of the office goings on. Bad: I can roll out of bed later and wear yoga pants all day while sitting on my couch. I also can, potentially, go the entire day without talking to a single human person (canine person is another matter). 

The good outweighs the bad here, but sometimes, if I don’t have evening plans, I feel like an amorphous blob. And I know I look like one. I’m sure the front desk people in my apartment building whisper and worry about my bringing down property values as I circle the building with my dog, in a fog. Shortly after I moved in, one even asked if I was “always this quiet”. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m FAR from quiet. It made me smile. And worry slightly. 

Who am I when not in the company of others? Decidedly shlubby. It’s no wonder that midway through the week I often find myself feeling like a feline-less Cat Lady, a little lonely and a little disconnected, despite the fact that I have great friends and family I can easily reach out to. “Why doesn’t anyone love me?” I wonder, piteously. “Why doesn’t anyone call me?” I ponder, staring at the phone, incapable of dialing out. “Well,” I sigh, looking down at the soft pants I’ve had on all week and my comfy sweatshirt from my trip to Texas in 2000, “Who would want to?” And no one calls or emails or texts. Rather, they may, but I don’t feel it.

Yes, I can be overly melodramatic.                                                                                           

           

So that’s a little how I felt yesterday, coming off of a great trip out west and a fun weekend. Today was different. I went in to the office for the first time in 2 months for a company-wide webinar. I know it sounds odd, but I actually found it…fun. It’s not like I don’t dress up when I go out to play with my friends, I do. But somehow, this was a different show altogether. And it was during the day time. For once I was dressing up to go to the office in my own town. I had full range of my closet rather than what I had packed in a suitcase. Accessories were abundant and I could actually wear my favorite scent and ridiculous boots. I was also happy that maybe someone might even get to appreciate my newly manicured nails before they started to chip. This was big!

So, I went in did my thing, came home and changed back into comfortable clothes. No big deal. But I felt different. I kept my earrings on and could smell my perfume. My hair, even pulled back, looked less like a rats nest. I walked my dog with a little more confidence, rather than trying to hide in the bushes. I didn’t personally encounter that many more people during my day, but I made the few that I did meet count. And here’s the funny thing. People I’ve been waiting to hear from or had forgotten about picked today to get back in touch with me. Asked how I’ve been and if I’d like to get together. My friends said they missed me or commented how much fun it was to hang out this past weekend. Even my dog seemed to have a greater appreciation of me. Just like that. Go figure.

Static Cling

I was talking to a friend recently about what it is that we attract. She had been going through a particularly trying time and was in a negative headspace. Everything she touched seemed to go awry and as is often the case, trouble begets trouble. She said, quite rightly, she needed to get herself out of the downward spiral by focusing on what she wanted from life. That if she could attract so much of the bad with her thinking then surely the same must be possible with the good.  Smart girl.

I think the Law of Attraction gets a little too thrown about for my liking, but there definitely is something to it. Though I’m not sure what mindset I’m in that brings in the series of bizarre that I’ve been experiencing. 

For example, for the past six months, I’ve been focusing on meeting the right guy. Not that this hasn’t always been something I’ve desired, but I’ve done a lot of internal work on what it is I want and need and throwing it out into the universe. I’ve been taking chances and being open to new experiences I otherwise might have avoided. All good things and I’ve met a lot of good men. Maybe not the right ones, but good ones. But I’ve also been attracting something else. No, someONEs else. Men from my past.

My first love is now married but apparently believes himself to still be in love with me when he’s drunk…which since he got married in January, has been frequently. There is a guy who I had a “thing” with who now has a baby and a live in girlfriend but texts me to tell me he thinks of me a lot. Another man I used to work with texted me in November to tell me he’s out of a relationship and, in a decidedly flirty way asked if I ever make it to Minnesota or if he could visit me in DC sometime. An acquaintance of mine in New York confessed his feelings for me before I left for my trip to India in December. And just last night, another guy I used to work with told me on the car ride back to my hotel that he still had feelings for me. Despite the fact I haven’t seen him in two years and he lives in San Francisco. A capper to an otherwise completely platonic evening. 

Dear universe. I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me, but you are a fickle, funny wench.