Pole Practice

First class of intermediate pole. My muscles were still sore from my brilliant decision to take a class called “Tush & Abs”, last night. 

Quick aside: I can’t believe that I’m taking so many classes, lately. I never used to be a “group exercise” kind of girl. Once again, yoga was my gateway drug. 

In any case, I went into this class with tired muscles. “This is going to suck,” I thought. But then I remembered that this wasn’t really me speaking. It was my Wicked Stepmother who had expectations of how I should be, should perform, in class. Flexing that self-compassion muscle, the Real Me responded “I may be tired, but I’m going to do whatever it is I can do and see what happens.”  Somehow this simple declaration made me feel better. I was leaving the future open for whatever was to happen rather than deciding how it would go.

Class was good. It helped that I had been working on some Intermediate moves while still in Beginner II. Right now, I’m polishing my Butterfly, Extended Butterfly and Superman. It’s amazing how these moves seemed The Great Aspiration at the beginning of the summer yet now that I’m able to do them, they seem pretty routine. It reminds me how tenuous basing your life on achieving goals can be. Achieving them may make you joyous for a week, a day, or an hour, but then there is always something else. You aren’t necessarily happier once you grasp the brass ring.

Even having these moves under my belt isn’t the end of the story. The variations and transitions on each are endless. Today I almost fell over trying to get into the Extended Butterfly sideways. It’s a good thing I can laugh at myself. 

So, while I’m acknowledging my progress, I know that these are just milestones in my journey. To be recognized, celebrated, but not clung to.

Just Another Learning Experience

I had another dance class on Sunday. Just as the previous week went so well, this week went so badly. I showed up a little late, but was still winded half way through the warm up. I tried the moves, the same moves I had done the week before, but they failed me. I tried to clear my mind and move without thinking, which had worked the week before. Not this time. I then tried to analyze and break it down. Nada. 

 

I wasn’t the only one having problems that day and we talked about it. There were no expectations. We weren’t there to judge ourselves. We weren’t there to compete. We were there to have fun. I realized that I would be having fun if I could get out of my own way. The thing most in need of a workout wasn’t my body, but my big, flabby ego. Seeing this improved my mood and I was able to laugh at myself a little. 

The fact is, we aren’t the same from day to day. We are constantly shifting beings. Our bodies, our moods, our minds. Slight shifts internally or externally may seem imperceptible to us but may make all the difference. What works for us today may not serve us tomorrow. I can take my dance class as just another reminder to listen and honor the present moment instead of deciding what it should be.

Yoga Girl

How we experience the world is so colored by what goes on in our head. This often obscures what’s truly there.

There is this girl in my yoga class. She is simply amazing. She’s strong, flexible and moves with cat-like grace. She takes yoga seriously and is dedicated. Looking at her, I feel my own practice is rather inadequate. Yes, yes, I know that yoga is all about my own journey and comparison isn’t something that should be brought to the mat. But I’m human. And while I do a good job of keeping my mind on my own practice, this girl still makes me feel like the awkward kid in middle school. 

Ever since I noticed her, I’ve tried to avoid her. Taking place in the room where she wouldn’t distract me with her dancer-like grace. But Saturday morning yoga tends to get crowded quickly and as often happens with that which we try to avoid, I found myself inevitably either next to her or behind her. Either way, unavoidable. I’d do an inward groan and think “of course” before spending the next 90 minutes attempting to do my asanas with my eyes closed. Once or twice when she’d do something incredible, I found myself trying to alter what I was doing to match hers. Then get annoyed at myself for trying to compete…and for failing to get my leg wrapped around my neck. Surely she was sneering at me from her lofty contortionist height. “Silly, foolish, girl.”

This past Saturday was no different. The Nimble One was almost directly in front of me. I was' about to do the sigh-resign thing again, when I caught myself. I was viewing her as a negative in my life when she didn’t have to be. I admired this woman. She made yoga into such an art-form, I could watch her all day. Yes, I had been watching her and trying to emulate her, but why was this a bad thing? I was more aware of form and alternate options just by her proximity. I pushed myself a little harder, tried to be a little more fluid. If I could drop the self-judging, I could take delight in this influence as I had learned a lot from her. How was this a bad thing? It wasn’t. 

The class went more smoothly than any had in the past month. Maybe there was a different energy in the room that day, but as I was rolling up my mat, I saw my unwitting mentor do something I never had seen her do before. Smile. Ah, yoga girl was human after all.