Pole Practice

First class of intermediate pole. My muscles were still sore from my brilliant decision to take a class called “Tush & Abs”, last night. 

Quick aside: I can’t believe that I’m taking so many classes, lately. I never used to be a “group exercise” kind of girl. Once again, yoga was my gateway drug. 

In any case, I went into this class with tired muscles. “This is going to suck,” I thought. But then I remembered that this wasn’t really me speaking. It was my Wicked Stepmother who had expectations of how I should be, should perform, in class. Flexing that self-compassion muscle, the Real Me responded “I may be tired, but I’m going to do whatever it is I can do and see what happens.”  Somehow this simple declaration made me feel better. I was leaving the future open for whatever was to happen rather than deciding how it would go.

Class was good. It helped that I had been working on some Intermediate moves while still in Beginner II. Right now, I’m polishing my Butterfly, Extended Butterfly and Superman. It’s amazing how these moves seemed The Great Aspiration at the beginning of the summer yet now that I’m able to do them, they seem pretty routine. It reminds me how tenuous basing your life on achieving goals can be. Achieving them may make you joyous for a week, a day, or an hour, but then there is always something else. You aren’t necessarily happier once you grasp the brass ring.

Even having these moves under my belt isn’t the end of the story. The variations and transitions on each are endless. Today I almost fell over trying to get into the Extended Butterfly sideways. It’s a good thing I can laugh at myself. 

So, while I’m acknowledging my progress, I know that these are just milestones in my journey. To be recognized, celebrated, but not clung to.

Stronger

I had Pole this evening. Our last class of this session

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A woman had come in for Zumba but the teacher never showed, so she joined our class. She had never taken a pole class before, so our instructor was alternating between our review and giving her a few lessons in Pole 101. Watching her tentative steps around the pole, I reflected on how far I’ve really come in this often interrupted journey. How much stronger I am, how much more confidence I have. How proud I am of every bruise and sore muscle I walk away with.  And -- anyone who knows me will know how amazing it is to hear me say this -- how graceful I can be. 

Of course, I’m not the only one. A girl in my class managed to do something tonight that she has been working all session on. We clapped for her. We’ve all been there. It might not look effortless quite yet, but the confidence that comes from actually being able to hold a position even for a second is wonderfully gratifying. Her face glowed for the rest of class. 

I’m not usually comfortable admitting what new trick I can do. It’s as though I have a fear that people will expect things from me if I admit to it. Or that it can be taken away from me once it leaves my lips. But the truth is that at this moment, I can do a few interesting tricks and I don’t collapse halfway through class. Strength and muscle memory are gained in small increments, but gained nonetheless. It may have taken me longer than some to get to this point, but the point is, I’ve gotten this far.