Acts of Nonviolence

Ahisna translates roughly into “do no harm” or “non-violence”. There are the obvious applications of this practice, but it’s the more subtler subtexts I’ve been exploring as of late. Specifically, when it comes to ones own person.

How many times have you tipped over a glass or forgot something at home and thought “I’m so stupid?” Have you ever overeaten and sat there, miserable, thinking of how you lack willpower. Or caught yourself in the mirror and instantly zoned in on your problem areas with a critical eye. This may come automatically for most of us and daily occurrences for many.  Though seemingly benign, this is hinsa, or violence, against self. 

I struggle with this. I remember being a kid with my share of insecurities but living fast and furious, regardless. Yet somehow, I grew to adulthood being my harshest critic. I’ve gotten better over the years, but there are times where I deem myself not good enough or I waste hours second guessing myself. 

Example. Friday night arrives and I don’t have plans. Or maybe I have plans that I’m not thrilled about. I question my desire to stay at home. What’s wrong with me? All my friends are our meeting people and having fabulous times. Why is it so hard for me to get dressed and socialize? Verdict: I’m a pathetic homebody who will end up a sad and lonely old woman. 

Now, what does this diatribe get me? Does this get me out the door? No, it does nothing more than make me feel like a sad, lonely woman wasting away in her apartment.  

This is a pretty broad example, but this idea of hinsa permeates into the crevices of my relationship with myself. There it festers and cracks the foundation of trust. It hurts me. If I’m to focus this year to opening my heart and opening to love, I desperately need to examine my relationship with myself, first.

I’m starting in small ways. Catching myself in the act. Looking into my heart – and the mirror -- to find the good. Giving myself foot massages and letting myself off the hook. Start the ball rolling and see how it builds.