The Tortoise versus the Hare

I’ve always been a hare. 

When I was in fourth grade, I took up the clarinet. Out of the four of us in class, I caught on the quickest. I could do scales and play songs weeks before the others could. I was good at this and I was happy. But, I hated to practice, so I would rarely pick up my clarinet between classes. Oh, I had every intention of doing so while I was in class, but the instrument seemed loathsome to me once I was home. After awhile, I noticed the others getting better. One day as good as me. The next week, better than me. Suddenly, I didn’t want to play anymore. 

I wish I could say I learned a valuable lesson with this, but I didn’t. This kept same pattern kept happening, with other interests. Swimming, dancing, sports, writing, and even friends and dating. Quick to sign up, quick to do well, then quick to give up when I was no longer ahead of the pack. It’s embarrassing how much I’ve given up simply because I wasn’t good enough and how soundly that blame can be laid at my own feet for lack of trying. 

So why not practice? Why give up? I’m afraid to try. To try my hardest and still not be the best. At least if I don’t try, there is an excuse. I’m not good because “fill-in-the-blank”. But if I try, I may have to admit that I may not be that special. And if I’m not special, then I don’t matter.

In the past few years (yes, it has taken me that long), I’m challenging this. What is this race I’m in and who with? I don’t play competitively, I don’t make my living performing and there is no race to see who can be in a relationship first. It’s my own, quiet progress that matters and it only matters to me. So what if I take dance for another year and am only marginally better than I am today? What if I slow down and actually learn to do something rather than trying to skim over it with quick results? What if I invest my time and effort doing what I can, when I can, how I can and having that be good enough?

Life’s about the journey. Why race to then end?