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I have a few of friends who are going through a rough time.
They are deeply unhappy and have required a lot of nurturing on my part. Being
there for them has caused me to examine my own behavior, as well. Particularly
when it comes to advice.
When my loved ones are going through a hard time, I know
from years of experience that sometimes the best thing for them is just to be
there. Listen to them. Be the cup for their tears. Allow them to lean on me as
they work through their own problems. Yet, I find myself opening my mouth and
offering advice. It comes from a mostly altruistic place within me. One that
wants to help alleviate their suffering. Make the pain go away. I say mostly,
because I’m well aware that my ego is also involved somewhere in the mix. I
know what’s best, I can fix them, they’ll see me as a wise woman and like me
more, etc. I try to be mindful and speak in terms of my life experiences and I
never use the word “should.” But am I being condescending in some way? I
wonder.
This really came to light when I got frustrated with the
heartbroken friend for looking outside herself for happiness. This is a woman
who fails to accept that the reason why she’s so unhappy is that she doesn’t find
herself worthy. She gets into relationships with unavailable guys and wonders
why they don’t accept, love and stay with her. She completes a program or a
class and wonders why she feels so empty after it’s over. She constantly says
and thinks “When I get X, I’ll have arrived.” But she never arrives. Because it’s
all an illusion.
I tried to point this out to her for the millionth time and
it was like slamming my forehead into a familiar brick wall. I got angry and
had to cease my conversation with her. Why couldn’t she SEE what she was doing?
She asked me why this keeps happening to her, I told her why, but she would not
accept my opinion.
